Announcement

People keep telling me that I should do something about all the nonsense that I post in my blog everytime.

Well, I apologise to those people. I've done something about it.

I've now made it much easier for you to access all the nonsense that I post in my blog everytime.

I've moved my entire blog to

jaythean.com

So now, all you'll have to do is type jaythean, then hold down 'control' and press Enter. WOohoo~!

As such I will no longer be updating this blog. Why? Because well ... erhm....

1. Well I've moved the blog over to the .com duhh

2.I think 2 blogs full of nonsense is too much to handle

3. Who the hell has 2 blogs full of nonsense anyway?

Once again ......... jaythean.com

To all you who've been frequent visitors to my blog, I thank you for your support thus far and hope that it extends over to my new one.

I'll see you all there mates~!

Come work for the kerajaan

I think those of us in the government service can soO relate to this .....

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?" Yes," he says. "I was in the armed forces for three years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment"and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes, 100%. A mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy, "OK" I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM . till 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow. Comein at 10:00 AM

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM "?

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Kanasai ~!

*credits to Julie for the forwarded mail*

Cap Goh Meh in KT

It was cap goh meh yesterday.

Of course here in KT, the celebrations were in full swing.

By KT standards, I mean the streets were empty and everybody was at home sleeping.

Anyway, cap goh meh for the uninitiated not only marks the 15th and final day of the lunar year, it's also the day where unmarried couples toss tangerines into the sea hoping that their future spouses will pick it up.

Those of you who are uninitiated are still uninitiated aren't you?

What I basically mean is that it's the last day of Chinese New Year Celebrations and the Chinese version of Valentine's Day.

What unmarried girls do is they toss mandarin oranges into the sea with their phone numbers and hope that some dude will pick it up and, you know ..... do the normal thing .....

..... ask the girl to marry him, a total stranger ......

I think that's a pretty dangerous thing to do nowadays..... For the guys I mean. What if it's an auntie leh?

Besides, it's the 21st century man. Girls no longer give their phone numbers anymore. They'll be like ....

"Here's my e-mail address. Make sure you friendster me. I'll facebook you. I'll We'll hook up on MSN and we'll LOL all night long"

Anyway, somehow my colleagues knew about this Chinese Valentine's Day thingy. One of them thought it'd be nice to give me 2 oranges. Then they joked that I could toss it from the balcony of my apartment and theyd catch them at night.

That was all fine actually. But then one of them thought it'd be funny to give me a banana as well.

Then, another one of them thought it'd be more funny to arrange them this way on my table .....

What the hell? You know what happens when there's a banana and 2 oranges arranged on your table that way and your boss comes along and sees it?

He gives you funny looks and thinks you're a pervert.

My boss now gives me funny looks and thinks I'm a pervert.

Kanasai ........

Absolutely Amusing Directions

Everytime I think of this, I feel really tickly all over ......

A friend of mine once described how a petrol pump attendant gave him directions to a nearby place. He went like this, and I swear it was something like this ....

"Mula-mula, you pergi straight yer. Pergi straight tapi jangan straight sangat. Nanti masuk longkang.

Kalau jalan tu pusing, you kena ikut pusinglah. Ah. Lepas tu pergi straight lagi. Kalau ada traffic light tu, kena berhenti lah. Kalau traffic light tu hijau tak payahlah.

Lepas tu you kena pergi straight lagi. Ahhhh you pigi straiiight... ahhhh sampai jalan itu mati. Lepas tu pusing kirilah. Sudah sampai tempat itu"

That's absolutely kanasai man.......

Shampoo? For what?

Was chilling with my machas the other day. One of my friends wanted to get shampoo for someone else.

So he went around asking the people in the shop for shampoo.

One by one, the sales people there gave him one hell of a look before pointing out the appropriate aisle.

We knew all too well why ......

He looks like this .....

Kanasai ...

Imagine if he'd been going into barber shops and asking for a haircut.

Kanasai Cats

I’m a cat lover.

All my family members are cat lovers. I don’t know why but somehow, somewhere along the road a few years ago, we took to feeding the stray cats that wondered near our house

Since we fed them and they spent the majority of their time hanging around our house, we called them OUR cats. Which is a bloody perasan thing actually.

Now that I come to think of it, I think they were more like ‘part-time’ cats.

Usually they’d come only during meal times, meow like nobody’s business, leave a big mess that we’d have to clean up, then walk away as if we owed them a living.

There was of course the occasional tummy rub they allowed us to give them. But then after that we’d be inclined to feed them even more.

What the hell, they were actually fooling us all along man~!

Kanasai …..

Yup. I’m a cat lover.

I’m just not so sure why.

For one they’re like the most unfriendly creatures on planet earth.

I mean …take a look at my neighbour’s puppies.

Adorable little buggers aren’t they ?

Then you think back about those cats…….

Makes me wonder why I like cats in the first place.

Why there was even a time when we were feeding around 7-8 cats, which we ever so perasan-ly called ours. It was a joy seeing them all lapping up their food eagerly. They’d definitely be grateful and come snuggle up to us after that. You watch and see.

But of course after each meal they’d all disappear…….

….Makes me feel abit stupid now actually.

Those of you people who actually think you own a cat, think again man. THEY actually OWN YOU.~!

You think they’re actually submitting to you when they allow you to tummy rub them? It’s all part of a cleverly derived scheme to lull you into a fall sense of security.

You think they bother when you try to taking nice pictures of them?

Come to think of it, taking a decent and nice picture of my cats has been thus far bordering on the impossible.

They’re either busy ignoring you …..

Or they’re hissing at you just for being a human ….

Or they’re sleeping…….. In really really funny places ….. like this cat of mine ….

Your guess is as good as mine. I don’t know how the heck he got up there. Apparently he’s been sleeping there quite often according to my dad …..

I think cats in general just don’t like humans. Heck I think they don’t even like each other ….

Trust me, they’ve got us all fooled I tell you…..

And if they had just one message to all humans, it’d be this…..

WE DON’T LIKE YOU. IF WE HAD OUR WAY, WE’D BE THE OWNERS AND YOU’D BE THE PETS~!

….. Erhmm ….. maybe I’ll adopt the neighbour’s dog after all…

Kanasai…..

Anyway, if you have time, do check out these 2 websites. Guaranteed to make your day.

http://www.icanhascheezburger.com

http://www.lolcats.com

Financial Management Books You'll Probably Never See In Bookstores

Was hanging out with my buddy at the Times Bookstore that day. We were going through the Financial Management section when we suddenly thought of this ...

Financial Books You'll Probably Never See In Bookstores

Kanasai~!

Of Angpaus and more ...

Just came back from Penang from a rather nice and laid back Chinese New Year. It was as always, all about the food, the angpaus and of course the meeting up with old relatives you seldom see.

I must really say that the whole novelty of getting angpaus as the years pass is really starting to wear thin.

For one, it seems really paiseh and awkward for a working and grown up adult like me to still be receiving money for no apparent reason. Then there's also the underlying guilt that I probably should be the one giving out the angpaus.

So I did what was right this year. I refused ALL angpaus that were given to me and actually gave out some angpaus to the little ones.....

Yeah rightlar~! I refused my angpaus all right.... I refused them in this manner ...

Angpau giver ......: Here you go young man ....

Thick skinned me : Angpau ar? Oh no need lar this year... working ready mar (while taking angpau and pocketing it) . But I paiseh refuseleh. Thank you ar auntie. (while patting the angpau in my pocket)

Damn I'm shameless aren't I?

Eh kanasai .... it's impolite to refuse money lehhh ....

Anyway, another thing I noticed is that somehow when you're visiting relatives you see like once or twice a year, conversations can be quite a test on the nerves. I mean, it feels like you' re having the same conversation over and over again sometimes.

Me ..............: Hello auntie, Kiong Hee Fatt Chai

Kanasai auntie : Same to you. So what are you working as now?

Mea..............: Me?

*never mind the fact that I just told her a few months ago at our cousin's wedding. And never mind the fact that I just mailed her some Neurobion a few weeks back*

Me...............: Oh I'm a pharmacist auntie.

Kanasai auntie : OhHHH ..... You'r e a PHARMACEE ar? I see I see.

Kanasai .... I get that all the time man. Understandable that perhaps they're not so well informed in the English language, but then I get that from nurses and some times even doctors man.

See here. THIS is a pharmacy

THIS here is NOT a pharmacy. This is a pharmacist.

A rather retarded looking one at that ....

God forgive me should I sound really impatient, but then if someone kept calling you a pharmacy, year in year out, day in day out, wouldn't you get pissed off also ar?

How'd you like it if I talked to you lecturers and go ..... Oh so you're a lecture ar?

How about you biologists? ...... Oh you're a biology ar?

Then those poor rubbishmen? ..... Oh so you're a rubbish is it ?

Kanasai......

Okay, having said that, they usually go saying the word PHARMACEE like it's the most complicated word in the whole freaking world.

Me ..................: No no auntie, I'm a pharma-CIST. Pharmacy is where you go buy panadol when you're having a fever.

Kanasai auntie......: Huh?

Kanasai me..........: Never mind ....

Kanasai auntie.......: Oh ic ic, so you're a pharmaceelar. Actually ar, what is a pharmacee ar ?

Very-kanasai me.....: Auntie, a pharmacy is where you go buy ubat when you're sick

Kanasai Auntie.......: But you say you are a pharmacee?

Really-kanasai me...: *with great restraint* No auntie, I'm the person who works in the pharmacy . I'm a pharma-CIST.

Kanasai Auntie........: Yeahlar. I heard yoular. You're a PHARMACEE mar. So what do you do ar ?

Too kanasai me.......: Excuse me ar auntie, let me go to the kitchen so that I can bang my head on the wall again and again until I start bleeding...

Equally testing in the nerves department is when you finally explain to them the whole concept of the pharmacy thingy, then they talk to you like you're supposed to know everything in the bloody world.

Same kanasai auntie : Oh so you like doctor wan lar ? Give medicine one lar?

Me.....................: Erhm, no auntie, I only give medicine. The doctor is the one who asks me to give medicine.

Kanasai auntie........: Oh so you not doctorlar. Then how come you don become doctor wor? Same same what.

Kanasai me again.....: *with a little restraint* No auntie, it's a different type of job. I just give the medicines, but it's also in the medical line.

Kanasai auntie.........: I see I see, ohhh .... Then you sure know this lor. Eh your uncle ar, he just went to Institut Jantung Negara leh, the doctor said he go for bypass but then the heart ar not so strong ready one leh. They say his left heart the pump going to collapse liaow. So hor what other test must do to confirm this ar?

Me.......................: Erhmm … I'm not so sure bout that auntie.

Kanasai auntie..........: Huh?

Then she looks at me like that was the biggest sin I've ever committed.

Kanasai auntie..........: You don't know ar? But you're a PHARMACEE worrr....

At which point I thank God I was holding some cookies in my hand, otherwise she'd been strangled by a pharmacee.

Anyway, this Chinese New Year I noticed one thing. Angpaus are getting bigger...

The food spread is expanding every year ...

But my dear old granny is shrinking in size with each passing year. But my granny here is no pushover I tell you. She's the first grandmother I know who's pushing 80 and still does the garden every morning, sweeps the floor, does the cooking. And check this out.. she's so healthy she eats burgers, fries and various other oily stuff quite frequently .... and she's not on any medication.

Salute to you grandma ......

Here's to a healthy and prosperous 2008 ....

Kong Hei Fatt Choy

Will be going back to KL for one and a half weeks during Chinese New Year. Imagine that. A whole one and a half weeks. Imagine the things I'll miss here in KT .......

The happening and bustling bandaraya life ...

The cheerful and sunny weather ....

The precise and immaculate spelling of English words ....

The wonderfully exciting job that I love so much....

Our fully furnished kitchen with cabinets stocked with lots and lots of food ....... The efficient traffic-jam-creating traffic policemen.....

The .....*blink*blink*

You can tell that I'm lying again can't you ?

Anyway, a Happy Chinese New Year to all of you~! I have absolutely no idea what those Chinese words mean.

See you guys in a week .......

Dowan dowan

Got off work yesterday and came across a car with this on its rear windscreen ....

The first thing I thought was like ...... cool ..... Theresa Kok, you go girl you go~! You .... erhmmmm....

Then I remembered which state I was in ..........

Oh shit ....... Hoo boy ........

Those Dumb Emails

Have you ever gotten one of these emails ? Emails like this ....

" What your sleeping position says about you ...

Foetus
Those who curl up in the foetus position are described as tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. They may be shy when they first meet somebody, but soon relax. This is the most common sleeping position, adopted by 41% of the 1,000 people who took part in the survey.

Log
Lying on your side with both arms down by your side. These sleepers are easy going, social people who like being part of the in-crowd, and who are trusting of strangers. However, they may be gullible...

Yearner
People who sleep on their side with both arms out in front are said to have an open nature, but can be suspicious, cynical. They are slow to make up their minds... and their mothers are so fat, they have to buy 2 air plane tickets ... Are you still reading this ?

Soldier
Yada yada .... Polly wants a cracker, your mother's so fat even her clothes have stretch marks, your mother's so fat she needs a watch on both arms cause she covers 2 time zones ... Can't believe you're still reading this ....

Freefall
Lying on your front with your hands around the pillow, and ...... yada yada ..... ZZZZZzzzzzzzz "

What a load of horse shit .....

Those people who do these surveys clearly have too much time on their hands.

I mean .... does this mean that there are only 6 positions that people sleep in every night?

What about those people who sleep like this ?

"The Retarded Puppy position"

"This kind of sleeper requires a lot of attention and are sometimes regarded as social retards"

"The Oxygenless Zen"

"This kind of sleeper requires no oxygen while sleeping. Nobody knows how they've survived until today ..."

I mean it's bloody ridiculous to say that if you sleep that way, you're this kind of person.

And let's not even begin to talk about those couple sleeping positions. I won't even bother copying and pasting the descriptions for these ...

Firstly, how does sleeping positions with somebody determine the state of the relationship? Look at this position above, if me and my future wife slept that way, we'd both in trouble I tell you... We'd both suffocate one day. And what about morning breath man ? Nothing stops romance more effectively than morning breath. Mannn

Sleeping this way .... wouldn't it be more practical then?

And what's with the depressing analysis for this manlah? The poor dude probably fell off and was climbing back onto the bed. And you go tell the poor wife that her husband's going to leave her. Kanasai.

Now look here, the way I sleep with my future wife does NOT determine my love for her. My leg crosses boundaries when I sleep I tell you. And I reckon it's probably not going to change when I marry my future wife...

Hey dear .... why are you pouting? Hey you're leaving ? .... Oh come on now ....

Whoops .....

Anyway, so if I were to go for one of these dumbass studies, there'd probably be a category called this ...

The kicker

This type of couple will not last long. The husband feels terribly insecure and feels prompted to display his utmost dissatisfaction in the relationship only through his sleep. Note the precise place in which his legs are positioned, no doubt a sign of underlying violence and abuse

I'll give the dude who does the study a kick all right ....

A whole load of kanasai ...

Same way why I never read horrorscopes and zodiacs and whatever it is they put in the newspapers and magazines.

So if I were to classify myself under the modern zodiac, I'd have like a whole set of traits that define my personality. Oh wait, I was born in the year of the dog, so that's a different set of traits altogether. I'm confused .....

So similarly, if there are 12 zodiacs does that mean that there are only 12 types of characters of people in this entire world? You'd think the good Lord up there would've used his noggin more and been more creative ...

Here's the description for my zodiac

ARIES

People who were born in this section of the year have unusually strong will power and great obstinacy of purpose. They are usually born to be fighters in every sense of the world: they have also the greatest ability as organizers on a large scale. They find themselves as the organizers of big schemes or as the heads of big businesses, and also in the organization and development of countries. They seem naturally to resent all criticism, and the only way to offset this in them is by quiet logic, reason, and proof. These people are usually independent in everything they do. It is really important for them to do everything in their own way, and if they are intervene with other people they generally loose the shapes of the main purpose, step back and let the other person take their place. As a rule they are unhappy in their domestic life. Yet these people, be they men or women, deeply, fervently and strongly desire for affection and sympathy, more than anything else, and this is generally the rock on which they are finally wrecked if they have not the good fortune to meet their right affinities. As far as material success or power is concerned, there are no heights to which persons born in this sign wouldn’t be able to. Success, however, is not making them feel really happy and satisfied. They are inclined to lack caution, being by nature impulsive and quick in thought and action. They are and inclined to mike enemies very easily. They are enormously ambitious, as a rule they succeed in life and gain money and position. The lower type of this sign will stick at nothing to accomplish their purpose.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The only thing I find even remotely interesting about zodiacs is the nice pictures and paintings people have come up with ...

Like this one.... pretty nice though the muscle man looks quite gross and a bit gay

There you go. That's pretty decent. Nothing more decent than a picture of 2 girls and an animal ...

I think the motherload is probably those e-mails that go something like this ....

Horoscope Test...

If you are honest this tells the truth - it's pretty good Write your answers on a piece of paper. No cheating !! The answers are at the bottom of this page.

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which color do you like more, black or white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. Your favorite number?

8. Do you like Sydney or Brisbane more?

9. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat)

*
*
* * * * * * * * * * *
*
*
* * * * * * * * * * *
*
*
ZZzzzZZzzZZZzzzZZZ

*
*
* * * * * * * * * * *
*

ZzzZzZZzzzZzzzZZZZZzzZzZZzzZz
*
* * * * * * * * * * *
*
*
* * * * * * * * * * *
*
*

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose: Red - You are alert and your life is full of love. Black - you are conservative and aggressive. Green - your soul is relaxed and you are laid back Blue - you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow- you are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

3. If your initial is: A-K You have a lot of love to give in friendships in your life. L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom. S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in: Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will last long and the memories will last forever. July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good. Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

5. If you chose..... Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

8. If you chose: Sydney: You like adventure. Brisbane: You are a laid back person.
9. If you chose: Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you send this to five people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday!

Even the first question and answer's got me sniggering already. So what happens if you were just thinking of your Auntie Barbara who bought you char kuey teow an hour ago and wrote that down? So? You in love with your auntie is it ? Kanasai lar ..

And how about question 3? Oh mum, why in the world did you name me Jason? Now I'm forever doomed to 'have a lot to give in friendships in life'.

Are there really people who believe all this baloney ?

Oh come on ... grow up already~!

Kanasai~!

What a wonderful book

Koda Kimble's Applied Therapeutics is absolutely useful I tell you ......

It's useful when you need specific information at your hand ....

Good whenever you need to look up that elusive piece of info at the tip of your tongue that you find difficult to spit out ........ *PTUI*

Imperative whenever any other book fails you.....

Also useful when you have nothing else to do with your life and want to just read up on things you know you'll forget 1 month later ......

But most of all ...... it's especially useful ......

.....when you need it to prop up your rickety bed .......

Good Phone Man

Awhile back my friend went along on a raid of a place here in KT. Many things were confiscated, medicines, sex toys, and among others, handphones. We were pretty surprised to find that there was a pretty good phone in the haul ....

Pretty impressive N73 we had to admit ......

Check out the sleek design man .......

Camera no less ........

Presence of a second camera ... so it's bound to be 3G ..

Darn ..... you've just got to have it ....

Yup ....... Gotta have your NOKLA ~!

I imagine the company's logo would look something like this ......

Kanasai~!